20 Questions

Sunday, December 11, 2005

But this time...

So luckily for me it was a computer training course, so I had the opportunity to sneak on to the net every couple of minutes. No joy though.

Then we had a break. I jumped on the mobile and called the hotline again. I asked my instuctor if he minded if I used their internet (not telling him they I already had been!) and he was happy for me to do so. It must have been the authorisation part because I finally got on to the site! Woohoo!

I clicked the Sydney concert, then 2 tickets. New page comes up, those particular tickets were unavailable. Tried cheaper tickets. New page told me those tickets were unavailable. I tried the most expensive tickets. Unavailable! I tried 1 tickets for every price range. All unavailable!!

By this stage all tickets selections had a massive SOLD OUT over them.

Then I got a ring tone on the mobile! After about 5 minutes worth of disclaimers I finally got through to a living, breathing person. This was it.

"Hello, I'd like to purchase two tickets to the Sydney U2 concert please".

"I'm sorry but that convert is all sold out." said the Ticketek lady, who didn't sound sorry at all. It was 10.13.

So I was really, really, REALLY disappointed. I had finally thought of a great present and now I couldn't get it. Sob! No big suprise really, but I would have loved to get tickets.

I went home and told Bacon Boy that I had wanted to get him tickets, that I tried but couldn't. He was very good about it, told me not to be disappointed. I was anyway.

When BB was in the shower, I got a phone call from my friend, J.

"Hey." she said. "Did you get tickets?" I told her my long sob story, and then she uttered the magical words

"G. ended up buying extra tickets, he said he'd sell them to you!"


"You're the greatest!!" I told J. "Thank you so much! That's so awesome. Tell G ge is the greatest too! That's so awesome!" (I tend to repeat myself a bit when I'm excited.)

To tell you the truth, I was kinda torn between paying G for being a scalper and having tickets to see U2 live, and in the end the greed won out. Luckily G only charged my what he paid for them so that wasn't so bad.

Now I'm going to see U2!! I can't wait. It's going to kill me to keep the secret until Christmas day though. BB better be as excited as me!

Last time, Bono stood me up

U2 are finally coming to Australia. It has been 8 years since they last came, they didn't stop here on their last tour because the Aussie dollar was too low or some crap. I was so disappointed! I know we don't fill stadiums like they do in the US or Europe but 100,000 ppl a show is not too shabby, and still a decent profit! So I was super excited when I heard that they are coming this time, hurray! I then had the ephinay that I could get Bacon Boy tickets for Christmas, thus exceeding the awesomeness of any present I have ever got him. Ever. I was so proud of myself for thinking of this because I very, very rarely think up good presents. I'm destined to be the pathetic auntie who gives all the nieces and nephews lime green jumpers at Christmas.

So therein lay my first obstacle - purchase of said tickets. I knew they would sell out super quickly, so I would have to be incredibly lucky to actually get any. Problem was tickets were to go on sale at 9am Monday morning and I was due to be at a training course 9am Monday morning. Bugger!

So I rang the training company and asked if I could be a little bit late, they told me I could be 15 minutes late but then I would forfeit my position and the pad-in-advance $600. No thanks! My boss told me there was an internet cafe across the road, so I thought if I got there early, tried to log onto the Ticketek site with a whole lot of luck I could purchase the tickets and dash back across the road in time to not miss my course. I should have known better.

I called the internet cafe, yes they had internet access and they opened 8.45am. So I was there at 8.44 on Monday morning, pretty nervous but doubtful I would get tickets. When they cafe opened up I ran in and asked the first waiter I saw if I could use their internet. They said I could, just set my laptop up and jump on. Laptop?? I didn't have a laptop! Turns out they were a wireless cafe. Shit! Where was I going to find an internet cafe? I asked the lady in the cafe, who suggested the backpackers hostel not too far away. I looked at my watch. I didn't know if I could make it, but it was worth a shot.

I turned out of the cafe and started running towards the hostel. I'd been running a couple of minutes when I ran past the Greyhound bus interchange. Surely they'd have internet access! I veered into the building, where I saw what I had been looking for, computers.

I paid the lady and logged on. It was 9.01. Couldn't get onto the site. 9.02. Still couldn't get on to the site. I decided to call the hotline at the same time as trying to log on the website.

9.03. Couldn't get on to the site. Phone engaged.
9.04. Couldn't get on to the site. Phone engaged.
9.05. Couldn't get on to the site. Phone engaged.
9.06. Couldn't get on to the site. Phone engaged.
9.07. Panic. Couldn't get on to the site. Phone engaged.
9.08. Couldn't get on to the site. Phone engaged.
9.09. Couldn't get on to the site. Phone engaged.
9.10. Panic more. Couldn't get on to the site. Phone engaged.
9.11. Still couldn't get on to the site. Phone still engaged.
9.12. Stupid crappy website. Checked e-bay. Tickets available for $1,500. (Cost price $100)
9.13. Decied I had better bolt to my course. Got very cranky at webiste, phone and scalpers.
9.14. Running.
9.15. Made it. Puffing!!
9.15. No tickets.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Weddings, Parties, Anything

One of my closest friends is getting married next month, I'm pretty excited for her. I'm going to be a bridesmaid with three other friends and it will be a great excuse for all of us to get together and let our hair down. The bride, C, now lives in Darwin and another close friend A, lives in Alice Springs, so it will be the first time in four years that we've been all together since school. Should be fantastic! It makes it incredible hard to go wedding shopping though! So far we've been lucky that we haven't fought or disagreed at all, I've heard some pretty crazy wedding stories, from Brideszillas to Bridesmaids From Hell. I'll keep you posted.

In other scary news, I saw a guy from my high school the other day, who told me that there will a ten year reunion for our year next year! That scared me a fair bit, ten years! I think I really need to accomplish something in the next four months so I have something to talk about when I get there! I wonder if there are any continents left undiscovered... any ideas would be greatfully received!

Thursday, December 01, 2005

So long and thanks for all the shots

Tomorrow is the Prime Minister's XI in Canberra and will be the last time Brian Lara plays cricket in Australia. I can't wait to see him walk on to the ground for the last time, he is an incredible player. To watch him when he is in form is amazing, so I will be sad to see him go. So thanks Brian, you were one of the best.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

The grossest think you've ever done

I was playing Truth or Dare Jenga with some friends the other night, and one of the blocks read "The grossest thing you've ever done." Bacon Boy drew this block and told us that the grossest thing he'd ever done was when he went skydiving, and he didn't blow his nose before he went. As he fell through the air, all of the boogers flew out his nose and up into the face of the instructor who was strapped above him. Yuck!

Teen Idiocy

When I was a teenager, I was desperate to learn the hustle, so whenever I heard the hustle song and it sings "Do the Hustle" I could start dancing straight away, instead of just singing "Do do do do do do do do do, do do do do do do do do do ...". Unfortunatley no-one I know knows the hustle, so I never learnt. Probably a good thing. I can do the bus stop though. I'm sure that will get me through life.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Childhood Idiocy

When I was young, I used to love going around to people and yelling "Quickdraw!", then throwing up my hands that had been resting by my sides and pretending to shoot them. After I'd 'shot' them, I'd always say sadly "You would never have survived the Old West."

Don't ask me why.

Friday Funny

Well it's Friday and so time to kick the day off with a joke.

Q1: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.
Is this true?

A1: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q2: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A2: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat?
Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.
Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q3: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A3: Not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of vegetables.
Bottoms up!

Q4: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A4: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q5: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A5: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q6: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A6: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q7: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A7: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q8: Is chocolate bad for me?

A8: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q9: Is swimming good for your figure?

A9: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q10: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A10: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Let's get physical - let me hear your bottom talk

Have you ever heard of a Mondegreen? It’s a fancy word for misheard lyrics. I’m sure everyone has their own, there are even ones that are kinda famous. The term "mondegreen" was coined by Sylvia Wright in a 1954 Atlantic article. As a child, young Sylvia had listened to a folk song that included the lines "They had slain the Earl of Moray/And Lady Mondegreen." As is customary with misheard lyrics, she didn't realize her mistake for years. The song was not about the tragic fate of Lady Mondegreen, but rather, the continuing plight of the good earl: "They had slain the Earl of Moray/And laid him on the green."

There is a great website, www.kissthisguy.com I think the worst one I ever had was for Bryan Adam’s Summer of ‘69 . The first line of this song is "I got my first real six-string", but I thought it was "I got my first real sex dream." On www.kissthisguy.com I found that I am not the only person to have thought this. In fact, some were even more extreme than mine!

The real lyrics were:
Got my first real six string, bought it at the five-and-dime.Played it till my fingers bled. It was the summer of 69.

But I misheard them as:
Got my first real sex dream, I was 5 at the time.Played it till my fingers bled.It was the summer of 69.
But I misheard them as:
Got my first real stiff drink.Bought it at the five and dime.

The real lyrics were:
Standing on your mother's porch
You told me that you'd wait forever.
Oh, and when I held your hand, I knew that it was now, or never

But I misheard them as:
Standing on your mother's corpse,
You told me that you'd wait forever.
Oh, and with the hammer in my hand,I knew that it was now or never.

So now I don’t feel so bad. What’s your favourite Mondegreen?


I don’t doubt the authenticity of phobias. I know there are some things that ridiculously freak me out and to actually have a phobia would be a nightmare. For example, in my home town at certain times of the year we get infested with Bogong moths. These moths are the biggest pain in the arse, they love to fly into your face or your hair and flutter around your head while you try to sleep. I have since developed a new funky dance that whenever I see one I have to yell and scream and wave my arms around a lot in a not very co-ordinated kind of way. Then there’s spiders. Wow I can’t even begin to tell you how much I hate spiders. So I am sympathetic to people who have real, actual, immobilising phobias.
But then there are those that are just plain ridiculous.

There is a website I found that lists every possible phobia, www.phobialist.com I only got through the A's and already I found Fear of looking up (Anablephobia), Fear of England or English culture, etc (Anglophobia) and one I like, Fear of opinions (Allodoxaphobia). (As an Australian I particularly liked Anglophobia until I realised there’s a phobia for practically every country.) Then there’s my personal favourite, Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words. Does that seem bizarre to anyone else?

Thursday, November 10, 2005

New Kid on the Block

Well I started a new job. Scary, isn’t it? You feel like a little kid walking in on your first day. I won’t be rude enough to name the place that I have just started working at, but I will tell you that I have never heard so many acronyms in my entire life! That’s right, I am working at a Workplace Near You. I bet you have them too. I’m struggling to get my head around them, to tell you the truth. The difficult part is that when you ask people what all these crazy acronyms stand for, they don’t even know themselves! They get into the habit of just using the acronym that they forget what the whole reason behind the acronym actually is. I’m sure I’ll get there. And the buzzwords! Who doesn’t love buzzwords? I keep hearing “proactive” all the time. Isn’t it a bit tautologist? Either you’re active, or you’re not. I suppose it sounds fancier than ‘hard worker’, but really it’s the same amount of syllables so you’re not even being efficient and cutting down your conversation time.

I got lost the other day. I hate being new! I accidentally got off on the wrong floor and didn’t even notice until I got to where my desk should be and there was someone else sitting there. Well, I did notice, I was looking around thinking to myself
“this is weird…everything is the same, but different. It’s like a parallel universe!”, then when I saw someone else at what I thought was my desk it finally clicked. Oops.

There is a procedure for practically everything. If you sneeze you have to fill out a justification form and if you want to blow your nose you have to fill out a request form. I’m not kidding. It has taken me four days to find a locker in the building that I can keep my stuff in when I do exercise at lunch time. You wouldn’t think it would be that hard, would you? I bet right now you’re thinking “Four days? Wow, that girl really needs her own GPS.” It’s true, I really do need my own GPS. But it wasn’t my fault (completely) that it took four days to get a locker.

First of all I had to find out what the procedure was for getting a locker. God forbid you actually just seen an empty locker and put your crap in it. No way! So I had to send an email to the Facilities Manager asking if I could have a spare locker. Then I went down to see said person, who gave me a padlock. Free! Yay. Then I went to the basement to the change rooms to find that (Gasp!) someone had done the unthinkable and put their own padlock on! No doubt they will soon be arrested by the Corporate Police and sent to Corporate Prison.) So I went back to my desk and sent an email saying it was taken. I hastily received an email back saying I could use a different locker, although it was not in the change rooms it was in the locker room. So I again ventured into the basement to see if I could find this locker room, however alas I could not. I swiped my little security card against half a dozen swipers, but I could not access a single room. So foolish me assumes that the locker room must be the conjoined areas of the change rooms that has simply lockers in it, but again that number locker was taken. Back up to my desk I tracked, to write an email to say that that locker was also taken, and thanks anyway. I then received another polite reply that that number is in fact free, but in the locker room, not the change room.

Fed up with this routine, I headed down to the facilities area to try and sort out this mess. I was feeling decidedly stupid and that’s not something I enjoy. The guy I needed to see wasn’t there, but another younger guy offered to show me where the locker room was. Back down to the basement we headed. I felt like I should have been wearing a little miner’s helmet with a light on top. Hurray – we found it! And guess what? It was one of the six rooms I had tried to get into before. I felt like I was in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory where they think they’re stuck in the room with no escape but then the door miraculously appears. I asked why I hadn’t been able to get access into the room, and unfortunately I had to send a written request to gain access into the room. I could be given the key to the locker though. So we go back to the facilities area, I go up to my desk, write this ridiculous email asking if I may please have access to the locker room. Does this sound complicated or what??

So now I have a key for a locker in a room I can’t access, I have since also undertaken compulsory training for an electronic filing system which doesn’t even work and I am almost, almost feeling prepared to start some Real Work.

Wish me luck. I’m off to be proactive.